“Who is this?”
“Robin. Robin Newman. Remember me? The children’s book author.”
“What time is it?” asked Santa.
“It’s 7:00 a.m., New York City time. What time is it on the North Pole?”
“Early! Can you call back another time? I need my beauty sleep,” said Santa.
“Of course! But don’t you want to hear that I’ve been a good girl this year? All right, ‘good’ may not be 100% accurate . . . perhaps ‘well intentioned’ is a better choice of words. And ‘girl’ maybe a tad bit of a stretch. How about pre-octogenarian?”
“Robin, since you’re not going to let me sleep, have you been writing every day?”
“Writing every day? That’s a good question. A very good question. You know the beard really looks good on you. Not a lot of people can get away with the beard, red suit, and boots, but on you it looks great.”
“Are you going to answer my question?”
“Oh, right! I mean write. I try to write most days. Sometimes I get stuck on rewrites. Rewrites are really not my thing.”
“What would you like for Christmas?”
“Thanks so much for asking. I would like to sell ALL of my manuscripts.”
“That’s a lot of manuscripts,” said Santa.
“Some of my manuscripts? Three manuscripts? One’s as low as I’m going.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” said Santa, “I get a lot of requests from writers this time of year. You may have to wait a bit.”
“I’d also like all of my writer and illustrator friends to find agents and get book deals as well. And while I’m at it, can you end starvation, poverty, and disease? I’d also like to make a pitch for world peace.”
“Will try my best. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and best of luck to you and your friends with the writing, rewriting, and illustrating. Now, I’m going back to bed.”
“Thanks Santa. Good night! You’re the best. Oh! Do you ever talk to the Tooth Fairy? She didn’t leave me anything for my last tooth. It was a good tooth. All right, maybe not in the best of shape, but in reasonably good shape. Santa? Santa? Are you there? Did you just hang up on me? Seems like we got disconnected. I’ll call you back.”
“This is a recorded message. Please leave your name and number and an elf will return your call in the order it was received. Thank you for calling the North Pole. Happy Holidays!”